Friday Jokes

Just got these from my friend Mark. They’re apparently from this years Edinburgh Festival.

I realised I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat. – Marcus Brigstocke at the Assembly Rooms.

Cats have nine lives. Which makes them ideal for experimentation. – Jimmy Carr.

The dodo died. Then Dodi died, Di died and Dando died… Dido must be sh*tting herself. – Colin & Fergus at the Pleasance.

Is it fair to say that there’d be less litter in Britain if blind people were given pointed sticks? – Adam Bloom at the Pleasance

The world is a dangerous place – only yesterday I went into Boots and punched someone in the face. – Jeremy Limb, at the Trap

Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time. – Demetri Martin at the Assembly Rooms.

Hey – you want to feel really handsome? Go shopping at Asda. – Brendon Burns at the Pleasance.

I enjoy using the comedy technique of self-deprecation – but I’m not very good at it. – Arnold Brown at The Stand.

If you’re being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire. They’re trained for that. – Milton Jones at the Underbelly..